Now that summer’s settled in the valley, would it be wrong to strike a dissonant chord and say I’m already wishing it away?
It’s strangely the only small-talk topic that’s not considered polite, but I can’t figure out why.
Sure, the Okanagan’s blistering heat is what I think about all winter long, when the skies are grey and the masses are whingeing about said greyness, but when it comes on, it’s my instant enemy.
There are a number of sensible reasons for this, of course.
First of all, how does one sleep in these conditions?
After only several days of heat-induced tossing and turning, I’ve already considered the quick way out—hari-kiri.
Luckily, the amount of allergy medication needed to survive the season took away all inspiration needed for going out and finding the long sword required for my morose daydreams.
That, on the bright side, focused my energies on other, more important matters—my sworn nemeses, the jacked-up, white truck and the buzzing jet-ski.
It’s unclear why the sun draws out the first of these nefarious machines, but with nearly 20 years in and out of the valley under my belt, I can guarantee they’re worth keeping a wary eye on.
And don’t make the mistake of thinking a truck by any other colour could smell as sweetly toxic when revving its engines beside you on a sweltering, clogged highway. The white ones have a particularly foul stench that’s deserving of the fists that wave when they aggressively cut off other drivers, only to slam on their brakes right in front of them.
If you don’t believe they’re of a troublemaking variety, just read this season’s police news briefs. I’d say it’s safe to say you’d find the highest proportion of crimes are perpetrated by white truck drivers.
I’ve once mentioned to police that banning them from the area may be worthwhile, but they muzzled this clearly scientific suggestion.
Then there’s the other valley scourge—jet skis.
It’s not so much they’re a problem far from the shore. But their riders’ propensity for whizzing around near the beach where people are swimming, or around kayakers and paddleboarders is entirely rage inducing.
Being as harpooning waterbound people for jerk-ish behaviour has yet to be sanctioned, it leaves beach goers to suffer the consequences of perpetually choppy waters and the acrid smell of gas.
Many letters to boat associations have been penned, but there have been no responses as of yet.
All in all, it’s quite clear that the sunny season has a bit of a dark side. Still better than the grey season, mind you, but we’ll discuss that later.
Kathy Michaels is a reporter with the Capital News.