Michaels: Holiday driving trips from a grinch-y commuter

If you drive a truck that requires a ladder to enter, do you really need to drive like a monster?

If you drive a truck that requires a ladder to enter, do you really need to drive like a monster?

Isn’t the monster status already achieved by the vehicle itself?

Is it even remotely normal behaviour to tailgate someone on a stretch of single lane highway, where there have been multiple head-on collisions during wintry conditions?

Is there a correlation between frontal lobe development and truck height?

Should there be a test for said development before purchase?

These are the questions that plague me at 6 a.m. when I drive my tiny car to work amid a sea of giant trucks driven by people with a tiny amount of knowledge of road etiquette.

It’s crazy out there and the craziest people are the ones who are driving the vehicles that could potentially cause the most harm to others—that might be the only part that makes sense, come to think of it. And, no, I don’t mean you with the big truck. I mean that other guy who’s driving like a maniac. You know the one.

Anyway, given the high number of roll overs and crashes we’ve been seen here as of late, in addition to the unfortunate behaviours witnessed during my commute, I’ve thought of some helpful tips that can get all of us safely to Christmas.

Note: These are not ICBC endorsed tips, though they should be.

3.) You may be able to drive 90 km/hr, but that doesn’t mean you should. As a matter of fact, road conditions should dictate your speed. If you, yourself, can’t figure out what that means, simply take note of how much slower every other car on the road is going.

They’re not doing it just to peeve (not the first word that came to mind) you off, they are probably smarter than you.

2.) Serious anti-social tendencies must be difficult to deal with, but if there’s ever a time it’s needed it’s when you’re behind the wheel of a car.

Sure, it’s frustrating for some of you that you’ll arrive at a destination three minutes later than you would if other people weren’t going the speed limit or didn’t have the audacity to turn left.

But speeding up toward someone’s bumper, revving the engine and fogging up your window with heavy breathing doesn’t smooth the flow of traffic.

So just don’t do it. Think about all those self help books you’ve read. You’re good enough. Smart enough. People like you.

It isn’t me, but someone.

1.) Be gentle, yet assertive. It’s what I tell my four-year-old every time he heads toward a four-legged creature and I think it’s sound advice for all people driving on four to six wheels. Simply, be gentle. It’s the time of year when the weather, the pressures that go along with the season and a myriad of other things can be overwhelming. Remember that, and have compassion for people who make mistakes. Road rage is totally at odds with the Christmas spirit, or what’s left of it.

OK, that’s it. Hope these tips get us safely through the holidays. I’ll have a summer tutorial in six months.