Don’t you DARE body shame me – I’ve earned every inch of this thing!

Don’t you DARE body shame me - I’ve earned every inch of this thing!

Fed up and sick to death.

That’s what I am.

Fed up and sick to death of being told my body isn’t good enough.

My body – that thing hauling around my brain and emotions, sense of humor and dreams, as well as a couple generous handfuls of superfluous flesh.

As with many of life’s frustrations, this one finds its origins in social media.

My Facebook feed delivers at least half-a-dozen sponsored posts every day from various warped corporate minds trying to sell me ways to “flatter my figure.”

Not sure exactly why this happens. It could be a Zuckerberg shot in the dark based on gender and age. Possibly I hovered too long over an online advertisement promoting swimwear for the full-figured gal. A friend in the IT department said it’s because of my cookies, and I repeat that with a straight face. Just to be on the safe side I’ve covered the camera on my laptop with a piece of tape.

The most offensive of these posts are repeated urgings to invest in a body shaper.

These are ads showing pictures of women – with the assorted bulges one acquires along a life well-lived – forced into ridiculous outfits designed for females who aren’t yet old enough to drive.

No, it isn’t pretty.

Presto. Chango. The Reuben beauties then contort themselves into something resembling Kevlar sausage casings. They are transformed into hour-glass silhouettes while, surely, suffocating at least some of their organs.

Picture squeezing a watermelon into a banana peel, or squishing a butterfly back into her cocoon.

It reminds one of the 19th century corset – an undergarment so constraining its wearers could not digest their food and often died young, presumably from starvation or some related gastric-intestinal malfunction.

To what purpose? That’s the question.

If the idea is to imitate a manufactured cultural expectation of sexual allure in order to attract a mate, it’s a plan with serious flaws.

At some point a woman has to take off her clothes. At the very least she risks the accusation of false advertising, and perhaps even injuring a potential partner if he or she is standing too close.

Don’t tell me my body isn’t good enough.

It’s 51 years old. I like to think of it as a 1967 Pontiac GTO with a bit of bondo on the back end and some rust.

When it was very, very young it performed extremely well on the track and the field and the basketball court. It could also access items on the top shelf at the grocery store, which is really the only thing it has in common now with its youngerself.

It produced four children. Do the math, if pregnancy was a jail sentence that’s three full years of consecutive time served.

My breasts – which occasionally get pinched in the catch of a high-waisted skirt – fed those kids for a total of seven years. (Considered, at one point, opening my own Scoopies.)

My body hasn’t any tattoos. Were I to get one it would be in the shape of an ornate picture frame centered over the stretch marks on my upper thigh.

My body has scars and so-called imperfections and it still treats me better than I treat it.

For a decade, at least, it sustained itself on food from arena concessions.

And I love it.

When I want to “flatter my figure” I strip naked in front of the full length mirror, give it a long, thoughtful look, and say aloud:

“Thanks. And you rock…even you rolls.”

Just Posted

People participated in a walk to honour the 215 children found at a former Kamloops residential school, as well as residential school survivors. (Twila Amato/Black Press Media)
Kelowna marks National Indigenous Peoples’ Day with walk to remember Kamloops 215

“Let’s speak the truth and deal with the truth, and heal.”

Kelowna Cabs’ dispatchers will be coming back to work now that their union and the taxi company have come to an agreement. (Facebook/Kelowna Cabs)
Kelowna Cabs dispatchers set to go back to work

The taxi company and the dispatchers’ union have reached an agreement

t
Motorcyclist critically injured in Westside Road collision

Motorcyclist collides with vehicle, struck by another: preliminary police findings

People at the beach in front of Discovery Bay Resort on Tuesday, July 14. (Michael Rodriguez - Capital News)
Heat wave forecast for Okanagan-Shuswap

Temperatures are forecast to hit record breaking highs this week

The Crofton trailer park home where the bodies of two people were found. (Photo by Don Bodger)
Kelowna mom still waiting for answers after daughter and her fiance found dead

Pair discovered in their Vancouver Island home in May identified as Rachel Gardner and Paul Jenkins

The border crossing into the United States is seen during the COVID-19 pandemic in Lacolle, Que. on February 12, 2021. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Paul Chiasson
VIDEO: Border quarantine to soon lift for fully vaccinated Canadians

Eligible travellers must still take multiple COVID-19 tests

Chilliwack secondary school’s principal is apologizing after a quote equating graduation with the end of slavery in the U.S. was included in the 2020-2021 yearbook. (Screenshot from submitted SnapChat)
B.C. student’s yearbook quote equates grad to end of slavery; principal cites editing error

Black former student ‘disgusted’ as CSS principal apologizes for what is called an editing error

Skeena MLA Ellis Ross. (Photo by Peter Versteege)
BC Liberal leadership candidate condemns ‘senseless violence’ of Okanagan church fires

Skeena MLA Ellis Ross says reconciliation isn’t about revenge for past tragedies

Cannabis bought in British Columbia (Ashley Wadhwani/Black Press Media)
Is it time to start thinking about greener ways to package cannabis?

Packaging suppliers are still figuring eco-friendly and affordable packaging options that fit the mandates of Cannabis Regulations

A coroner’s inquest will be taking place at the Capitol Theatre in Port Alberni for the next week. (ELENA RARDON / ALBERNI VALLEY NEWS)
Teen B.C. mom who died following police custody recalled as ‘friend to many’

Police sent Jocelyn George to hospital after intoxication had gone ‘beyond the realm’ of normal detox

FILE - In this Nov. 29, 2020, file photo, Las Vegas Raiders defensive end Carl Nassib leaves the field after an NFL football game against the Atlanta Falcons in Atlanta. Nassib on Monday, June 21, 2021, became the first active NFL player to come out as gay. Nassib announced the news on Instagram, saying he was not doing it for the attention but because “I just think that representation and visibility are so important.” (AP Photo/John Bazemore, File)
Nassib becomes first active NFL player to come out as gay

More than a dozen NFL players have come out as gay after their careers were over

Photograph By MICHAEL POTESTIO.KTW
Former Kamloops security gaurd wants job back after kicking incident caught on video

Rick Eldridge quit when a video surfaced of him kicking a man outside a facility for homeless

COVID-19 daily cases reported to B.C. public health, seven-day moving average to June 17, 2021. (B.C. Centre for Disease Control)
B.C.’s COVID-19 infections drop to 90 on Sunday, 45 Monday

Pandemic spread dwindles as 77% of adults receive vaccine

(Black Press file photo)
EDITORIAL: Curtailing attempts at scams

The true total of losses from all scams and frauds could be much higher than the figures on file

Most Read